One week in Kabul, a lot of mixed feelings. I haven’t had this feeling at least for a couple of years; I wanted to write so I could record this feeling and come to it when I wanted to make drastic decisions in the future or work-cross-culturally.
i am frustrated and upset when I am lost and I am lost when I go through a cultural, job and intellectual change. Once I adapt to a society, I have an opinion and social stand which goes against the majority and I could go extreme on this. In afghan society I can’t stay in the mainstream, I had to go to the margins in opposition with what all wanted. In a European society, I am socially pragmatist and political left – realist. Standing for values such as no war, human rights, homosexual rights, etc, etc.
here in Afghanistan I have been struggling between my previous values and the ground realities.
At this very moment I feel like I can’t have my European values system. I can’t be a political activist; I have a very liberal view of things. I hated liberals two weeks ago; I thought their decadents sucks. Unlike artists they can’t be appealing. but now I see myself as a liberal someone who is not involved with the deep socio-political issues. Someone who just want to do something to help and bring good. two weeks ago I wrote an open letter to expatriates in Kabul to provide an alternative view on them, but I wouldn’t do that now.
The hard part is if you choose to do something in another culture, but you might not like it in the beginning. The key is not too think to much and see how it goes.
And the hardest is when you are in love. Something you don’t want to fuck with.